Parents Guide to Bullying: The Four Characteristics of Bullying
2/13/2025
The Definition of Bullying
According to the Anti-Bullying Alliance, the definition of bullying is the "repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal, or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online." This definition provides a great starting point for discussing the nature of bullying and providing guidelines for detecting it, particularly in children. Bullying can occur in very subtle ways, making it difficult for parents to identify it, much less prevent it. However, understanding the definition can help identify the problem and give parents ammunition when discussing it with other parents, teachers, administrators, and, if need be, law enforcement.
Bullying Involves a Power Imbalance
Two kids fighting is usually just conflict and bad behavior if the odds are not stacked in one of the participant's favor. But any power imbalance stacks the odds in one child's favor and opens the door for more significant repercussions. A power imbalance can look like physical size, number of participants, and age, to name a few. When a much larger kid picks on smaller ones, or if a group of kids gang up on one or two, the situation has escalated beyond classroom conflict. The majority of bullying incidents are groups aligned against an individual. In many instances, the victim also suffers from some form of disability.
The reason that it is important to note a serious imbalance is because the physical and psychological consequences for the victim can become severe. Some exposure to conflict is a necessary part of maturing. After all, disagreeing with others and understanding how to navigate conflicts are critical life skills. But no one learns essential life skills in the face of an impossible enemy, particularly as a child. In those cases, children simply shut down, and their normal development can be seriously arrested. This damage is why observing our children in all their settings, from the classroom to the athletic field, is crucial.
On a side note, it is a sad truth that sometimes the worst bullies of children are adults. Pay attention if our children seem to shut down around adult family members, a particular teacher, or another adult. Not everyone grows out of abusive behavior, and some become adults who enjoy using their power to make even a child's life miserable.
Bullying Is Repetitive
Abuse is a cycle, a wheel of behaviors that repeats. Generally speaking, bullying has occurred multiple times once a parent or other intervening adult becomes aware of an incident. Wisdom dictates that the intervening adults question and investigate how long and how often events occur. Bullying is often done in secret or when the victim is alone and defenseless. This secretiveness provides a cover for how often abuse might be occurring.
The longer coercive and cruel behavior is allowed to continue, the more damage is done. One of the biggest temptations when dealing with these issues is the tendency to be dismissive or minimize what is happening as an aberration. Most likely, however, what looks like an isolated event is a series of events from which the victim cannot escape and the perpetrator enjoys too much to stop.
Bullying Is Intentional
Humans offend one another unintentionally all the time. Because of this, it is tempting to dismiss bullying behavior as accidental or as a misunderstanding. But this only serves to gaslight its victims. Bullies intend to harm their victims. Ironically, the intention behind bullying behavior is difficult for intervening adults to face. We are hesitant to ascribe malice to others, particularly children. But everyone is capable of being mean, and some enjoy it.
Our society tends to soften the language around humans' capacity for evil to the detriment of all. Children who display cruel behaviors towards others need intervention. Denying their actions or whitewashing meanness does misbehaving children no favors. Additionally, it re-victimizes the objects of their cruelty by dishonestly reframing their abuser's intent. Even children must deal with the consequences of their actions. By facing the intentional nature of bullying, we hopefully provide a wake-up call for the mean kids. After all, their lives depend on maturing into adults who can get along with others, just as their victims' lives depend on having access to a safe environment at home, school, and athletic field.
Bullying Can Happen Online
It's worth noting that some of the worst bullying happens online these days. The multi-player gaming environment is nothing more than a cyber playground. However, unlike a schoolyard, the online arena has few, if any, boundaries that ensure safety. At least a school playground has attendants. Parents must police the cyber world diligently to ensure safety.
Just as we need to try to understand what happens in our children's schools and home life, we need to insert ourselves into their gaming lives. Screen time needs monitoring just as actual playdates need adults present. Some popular games have recently been outed as providing predators an entrance to children. Better alternatives exist. For instance, TruPlay Games has a subscription service that gives kids access to an entire game platform without ads or multi-player access that exposes children to strangers.
Ultimately, the parent's job is to keep kids safe, both from others and even from actions that harm others. We want to assume that most people have kind intentions toward our kids, but the evidence does not bear that out. Predatorial behavior, whether from adults or children, is not as uncommon as we would like to believe. The hope is that when we stand against evil for our children's sake, they will one day have the courage to take their own stands against cruel behavior.
TruPlay Games Can Keep Children Safer
The TruPlay Games app offers countless hours of games, comics, and animated shorts that feature high quality art, action-packed games, and thoughtful storytelling–in a safe environment. It's intentionally structured to avoid the dangers of many games that allow others to gain access to game-playing children. Because TruPlay employs a subscription-based model, allowing children and adults to play, read, and have fun in an environment with no in-app purchases, no ads, and no in-app texting or chats, kids are safer from possible bullies and predators.
Beyond that, however, TruPlay offers even more than safety; each offering in the TruPlay app is infused with God’s Truth. Its ever-expanding selection of games includes Bible stories, Christian themes and values, and countless hours of engaging fun for children, youth, and adults. TruPlay's website (TruPlayGames.com) clearly details the app's offerings, and free downloads and trials are available in both the Apple App Store and GooglePlay. Explore the following links to unlock a safer gaming experience for your kids: